One thing is certain, from a relationship perspective – unless there is coercive control, we cannot make anyone do anything that they don’t want to.
It is extremely difficult when couples continue to have heated, unresolved arguments, especially in front of the children. It might be more empowering to take control of ‘your end’ of the conversation.
Arguments can only happen if you both engage. I don’t mean one of you should storm off – in fact, the opposite. Rather than getting caught up in the argument, call a ‘time out’.
Calmly say “I understand that this conversation is important but I’m feeling stressed/upset/angry at the moment so I’m going to make a cup of tea so I can calm down. Can we talk when the children aren’t around?”