Children do this in families where parents are still together. They are even more likely to do this when parents are living apart.
When parents don’t ‘get on’ or have poor communication, this can cause many problems.
Some tips for when this happens:
- If your child comes home following a contact and says, for example, “Mum says I can have that new bike”, before you react with fury, upset and anxiety, check it out.
- Calmly and without emotion, ask your child if that statement is correct.
- Mention that you’re probably going to check with mum that she has indeed said that.
- Often if the child is playing one parent against the other they may confess at this point.
- At a convenient time, contact mum and explain in an enquiring and non-accusing way, for example: “Matt came home today and said that you had agreed that he can have a new bike. I am just calling to ask what, if anything, had been discussed?”
- If you can agree in the early days of separation how to handle this kind of situation, then calls like this will become familiar.