Once you have made the decision to leave, you may not understand that your partner is at a completely different point. They make think there’s nothing wrong with the relationship or may believe that you are both still working on it. ‘Theory of mind’ refers to the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. That is, to see the world from their point of view. Use this innate ability to help you manage the conversation about leaving. Be clear, be concise, don’t use cliches, don’t be disingenuous. Explain what has been going through your mind preceding your decision, but try not to use blaming statements, shun responsibility or excuse. All of this will make your partner feel less attacked and therefore less defensive, and they will be more able to listen and process the information. It is so tempting to keep talking, but leave silences so that your partner can ask questions. You are also less likely to talk yourself into a difficult position. Finally, write down your main points so that you can refer to them should you start feeling fuzzy-headed as the emotional heat goes up.
